Hey Doc,

Since learning your principles, I find myself being a little too picky and looking too hard at a woman’s flaws when I’m in the initial dating period. I know you tell us to pretend she’s ugly when we’re on a first date, and the more we withdraw the more she’ll chase. But I think this theory has clouded my judgment. I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe no woman is good enough to have my children! What’s even worse is that now I find myself not even bothering to call some of the girls who give me their numbers because I’m thinking about how bad it will be before I even get to know them!

It seems to me that this celebrity, beauty and wealth age we’re living in have changed women a lot. Almost every girl out there has low self-esteem, even the beautiful ones, thanks to the magazines and entertainment shows. And they show you how insecure they are right off the bat. I use “The System” in my favor to get these women to chase me, and that’s the beauty of it. But do I want some insecure girl as my potential wife? So here’s my question, Doc: is there a way to date a woman and help her feel good about herself WITHOUT having to kiss her butt and constantly reinforce her with positive feedback?

Also, is it all right if she has some problems that aren’t so bad? For instance, say that she gets a little shy at a wedding where she doesn’t know anybody, and so she just sits there quietly. It’s not the worst thing, right? (Still, for myself, I’d like to have a woman who’s very outgoing at social gatherings.) At the same time, I don’t want to have to always be telling her, “You’re a strong, powerful woman. People would love to get to know you. You should be happy to make new acquaintances and blah, blah, blah.”

One more thing. You tell us to be more like Cary Grant and to study the master. I’ve rented and watched a ton of his movies. One thing I’ve noticed is that in a lot of his movies Cary is divorced. It seems that even Cary Grant couldn’t keep the girls from walking out! In The Awful Truth he divorced his wife in a matter of seconds when he found out she might be lying to him. But he was still Cary Grant! There was ALWAYS another woman waiting for him. I don’t look like Cary and I’m not the rich socialite he played in a lot of his films, so it would appear that I may have to cut women a little more slack. Somehow I don’t think Grace Kelly is out there just waiting to fall head over heels for me.

Vince - who’s afraid of ending up with nothing.

Hi Vince,

Gee, pal, you’re going to be a real picnic for some poor female to live with! How do you think Alec Baldwin managed to drive the beautiful Kim Basinger and their daughter clear across the country? Nitpick, nitpick, nitpick!

Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Boy, you ain’t gonna get a gal by attacking her with a bow and arrow and slingshot, so you best put ’em away!” In other words, forget about being so critical and faultfinding before you even get started with a potential date. What you should be doing is looking only at the girl’s Interest Level. We will study her Attitude and baggage later, guys!

Initially, all I want you to do is raise her Interest Level. Get the woman to like you more. If you meet someone and come away with her home phone number, you can safely assume that her Interest Level is 51%. After you get back from Starbucks or your first major date, I want it to be at least 52% or higher. And that’s all you should be concentrating on right now.

You shouldn’t be knocking a woman out of the box before you even know her name because of her hang-ups. I think it’s great that you see them, Vince, but remember -- you’re not perfect either. Duh! So -- you want me to believe that no woman is good enough for you. That has to be one of the dumbest statements I’ve ever heard, pal! There are millions of great women out there. You simply can’t make a stupid blanket statement like that.

You have to make sure that you’re thinking straight, and that’s what “The System” helps you to do. It makes you face REALITY. You yourself said that “almost every” woman feels lousy about herself. What you mean then, is that there are some together ones left, right? You contradicted what you said in the first paragraph of your letter.

I mean, think about it. Out of 3 billion women on the face of the planet, there’s not one good one? Of course there is! You’re over-generalizing. Like Brother Love says, “You’re bitter about something and you’re throwing in the towel!” Don’t let my principles hurt you. If nothing else, you should be happy that your awareness level is a lot higher as a result of studying my rules.

Now, let me straighten you out about something else here. Just because you’re going out with a girl doesn’t mean that you’re going to marry her. Slow down, cowboy! Don’t go worrying about a “potential wife” before you get the horse out of the starting gate. Nevertheless, you need to practice on these girls, which will reinforce the axioms of “The System.”

Vince, I don’t ever tell you to kiss a girl’s butt. You show me where in my teachings I’ve ever asked you to do anything remotely like that and I’ll kiss Roseanne’s big, fat butt! What I tell you is to be a gentleman, and show manners and class, and to keep it light and funny. Please don’t misinterpret my words.

Is it all right if the girl has some problems? Of course it is! If you find one who’s 100% perfect, tell me who she is! I’ve got a hundred bucks that says it’s not going to happen. Of course her problems are a matter of degree and quantity. If her only hang-up is that she’s shy at a wedding, but other than that she’s a great person, I’ll put up with the shyness. (Hey, if she’s a little bashful, just ask her to dance!)

What you guys have to do is determine the part that you can live with. To you Psych majors, you have to figure out what you want in a woman. If being outgoing at a social gathering is your number-one priority, you have to factor that in, obviously. But don’t forget, lots of people are shy until they get to know someone, so I’d cut her a break there. But again, it depends completely on what you value.

And by the way, Vince, it won’t kill you to tell her once that she’s strong and powerful. Why? Because it’s the loving thing to do.

Now, let’s tackle the subject of the master, Cary Grant. Sure, Cary got divorced here and there. My advice to you is to not study that part! And you’ve got it completely backwards, dude – Cary got rid of them, not vice-versa!

One last thing: don’t shortchange yourself. Maybe the reincarnation of Grace Kelly is waiting out there for you. And if not her, then maybe Cameron Diaz is. Don’t forget – Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, then the cameraman. And guess what, fellas? She’s not perfect either. But the point is that you never know, and that’s the beauty of life – and dating.

Remember, guys: the purpose of the “The System” is to make you more aware, not to make you bitter.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

Copyright DocLove DotCom




NewFriends4U:
Search & Find New Friends Now!
Join for Free at NewFriends4U!
Success Stories