My husband is 45. We are getting ready to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. He now tells me he has fun when he is out of town in a group of people drinking, talking, and laughing. He says we don't have a "spark" anymore. But our sex life is good.

He swears he hasn't met anyone or been unfaithful. He says he can't have fun with me. He feels we are "just coasting" and is not sure where to go from here. Any advice? - Grace

Grace, whatever your husband says, it looks to us like the old story of the iceberg. Ten percent is visible, and 90 percent is not. You know the 10 percent.

What has he been thinking about, planning, or flirting with for the last one, two, or three years? He may be on the progression which goes like this: I have fun drinking and laughing with others--we've grown apart--I love you but I'm not in love with you--I need more space--I'm out the door.

You need to keep talking about this issue with your husband. If he believes your marriage is in a rut, it is a "we" who are in a rut, not a "you." You don't let the surgeon say, "We found a lump," and walk away from you. You have to buttonhole him and find out what the next step is.

As you discuss your husband's feelings and the future of your marriage, you must, as distasteful as it seems, keep one thought in the back of your mind. What is in my best interest?

You are approaching your 25th anniversary, and it would be wonderful to celebrate the length of your union. That may be where you would like things to go, but it may not be where things are headed. - Wayne & Tamara

Relationships - Help And Advice - Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. -  Relationships - We Don't Have a Spark Anymore