Relationships Commitment - How Do I Get Him to Commit?:
Time Enough

I am 36 and exclusively dating someone, 41, for almost a year now. I feel, given our age, we should have enough experience to know whether we would like to pursue a serious relationship. When I ask my boyfriend about a future commitment, which means he wants me in his future and is committed to making it work, his response is, "Let's take it slow."

Frankly, I don't know how much slower I can take it. I am not insinuating marriage or even living together. I would like to know he is committed to the possibility of a life together. What is a reasonable period for someone to know if they are willing to commit on the level I described?

I understand everyone works on a different time clock, but when does time run out? He will only share that he loves me if I ask him. I am a patient, caring, loving, smart woman who has a lot to offer. I love this man, but I am realistic and will not wait forever. - Sara

Sara, Einstein explained relativity to his long-time secretary by saying: an hour sitting with a pretty girl passes like a minute, while a minute sitting on a hot stove passes like an hour. Einstein's relative time is unlike clock time, which passes in regular, unvarying beats.

But no matter how one measures time, you and your boyfriend have been together long enough for him to know what he feels. He wants to slow time to a stop. He is satisfied with what he has. You are trying to move time forward to a wedding.

There is a third kind of time, psychological time. In psychological time, the time is always now. If your boyfriend truly loved you, his feelings would bubble to the surface all the time. He couldn't help himself. He would tell you he loves you and wants to be with you always.

You are afraid, if you approach the subject directly, he will say no. But approaching the topic in a roundabout way is more likely to cause him to take advantage of you. He gets the point, even if he pretends not to.

Say from your heart where you want your relationship to go and insist on his answer. It is better to get a no now, than to wait one, three, or five years for the same answer. - Wayne & Tamara

Relationships - Help And Advice - Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. - Relationship commitment - How Do I Get Him to Commit? - Time enough

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