I read a letter and reply in your column "Old Sayings." The writer, Lauren, was considering telling the wife of a man she had an affair with about his extramarital activities. You encouraged her to tell.

I am baffled. You encourage a woman who is equally guilty to go and possibly ruin a marriage. Tell me something. What happens if this married couple has kids, how will it affect them? Do you know anything about the wife? Maybe she is the root of the reason why this man seeks other women.

So why encourage heartache and certain trauma? I have an old saying for you as well: what you don't know, can't hurt you. Quite fitting for the occasion don't you think? - Gregory


Gregory, we didn't receive a single letter from an innocent party who wouldn't want to know if their spouse was unfaithful. People who deal with reality seek to know when they are at risk, so they can protect themselves from AIDS, herpes, paternity suits, and the other consequences of betrayal.

A rock climber takes the risk of falling. A cheater takes the risk of being caught. Rocks can't tell, but a spurned woman can.

You suggest ignorance is bliss, but it is not. It is ignorance. What if the lump is malignant? You ignore the lump at your peril.

Not telling is not an option with a serial adulterer, and telling won't ruin the marriage. Cheating will. Your final insult was to ignore the adultery and blame the victim. - Wayne

Relationships - Help And Advice - Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com. Married Man Affair, Extramarital Affair, Telling Wife of a Man She Had An Affair With.