Women Don’t Lie – Men Don't Listen
Doc Love answers your love questions in his own unique, no-nonsense style

Hey Doc,

I wanted to relate to you an anecdote that shows how important it is to demonstrate Self-Control, which is one of your main teachings. Then I’ll tell you my dilemma.

There’s a popular morning radio show in my town that interviews celebrities on a regular basis. The new traffic woman on this show is a total knockout and is engaged to a regular guy she knew before getting this high-profile job. There have been at least three occasions in the last month when a rock or movie star has hit on, flirted with or shown extreme interest in her. The male radio hosts get a kick out of this and call up her fiancé to tell him all about it. Just today they did it again and his response was, “That’s reaffirming to me. At least the guests on your show have good taste.” More revealingly, his girlfriend’s response was, “Thank you, I love you so much!” On the air! No wonder this guy has the girl.

Time and time again, I see guys acting like prison guards and overreacting
when other guys attempt to “hustle” their women. I thought this example might be a great reinforcement to your new and loyal readers that the best way to handle the situation is to just act cool and, perhaps, even ignore it altogether.

But now here’s my situation. Recently I faced my first test with the beautiful young lady I’m dating. Walking through a bar, a guy looked at Ashlee while I was with her and said, “Cheers to you, gorgeous!” In the past I would have made a hostile remark to this guy or tried to punch him out. Instead, I whispered in her ear, “Now there’s a guy with some great taste.”

The problem is that she squealed “Thanks!” to this jerk and kept looking over at him while we were having our drinks. I even had the feeling she might have liked to go over and talk to him, maybe to hear more compliments about herself. What do you think, Doc? How should I have handled this situation? Does this mean she was really interested in the guy, or was she just fooling around? Should I keep going out with her or dump her?

Jackson - who believes you need to be heard by ALL men

Hi Jackson,

First of all, these radio hosts who work the traffic reporter’s boyfriend over on a regular basis are real jerks. Like most DJs, they’re nothing but classless lowlifes. It would have been amusing if they’d done it once, but they’re pounding away at this guy for no reason except their own jealousy. And they’re jealous because they’ve got the hots for this knockout but they won’t admit it and they can’t win her over. Their egos are so big that they can’t figure out why a regular guy and not them should have a “10” in love with them. So the regular guy’s is getting the last laugh here.

When you say it’s no wonder he has the girl, you’re exactly right – it’s no wonder at all. Because the traffic gal’s boyfriend couldn’t have said or done anything better than he did. It was a remarkable display of Self-Control on his part. Even if the celebrity or host deserved it, losing it could only have diminished him in the eyes of his girlfriend. Good for him. He’s got firm hold of Doc Love’s principles. Macho Boy on the other hand would have snarled “I’m gonna come right down there and wrap that microphone cord around your neck!”

By the way, Jackson, the reason the Macho Boys act like prison guards is because, like Neanderthal men, they haven’t figured out that their women can think for themselves. Plus the fact that they have no Self-Control whatsoever.

What you did with your Ashlee was great, but it would have been even better not to say anything and wait to see what her reaction to the compliment was first. If she was obviously with you, and she was, when she thanked this player in the bar for noticing her, it was Womanese for “Hey -- I like the new guy!” In fact, once she told him “Thanks,” you were out. And here’s another thing: her Interest Level in you wasn’t all that high to begin with. Pal, you were actually taking out and spending your hard-earned dough on a girl who had no Interest Level in you -- or one that was well short of the 50-yard line.

When you had the feeling Ashlee wanted to talk to this other dude, you should have suggested just that to her. “He looks like a nice fellow – why don’t you go over there and rap with him?” Or you should have gotten up and asked another girl to dance if the bar had a dance floor – right in front of Ashlee. Because as General Love says, “Once it’s over, it’s war!”

Ashlee didn’t give a hoot for “compliments” from this other guy. She had instant Interest Level in him. That’s why she was batting her eyes in his direction. If you had visited the men’s room, she would have had her phone number deposited in the guy’s hand within seconds. Actually, to answer your next question, she was BOTH interested in him AND fooling around. So the next time you go to a bar with Ashlee, be careful that you don’t drink too much beer.

You handled the situation fine, Jackson, except that you sat back and like all the other turkeys she’s dated took a beating from Ashlee – and you didn’t even know it was happening at the time. That’s the difference between you and Ben Affleck. He wouldn’t have taken the punishment. Before Ashlee knew it, Ben would have been on to the next girl. And that’s why you’re writing to me, buddy. Somewhere in your head you can feel the bumps and bruises from the assault.

But you don’t have to worry about dumping Ashlee. She was dumping you when she responded to your barroom rival.

Remember, guys: if you really listen, she’ll tell you when it’s over.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com - Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
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