I was recently involved in an eight month affair with a married man. My affair with him was not his first. When ending our affair, I swore to him I would not betray him to his family since I take responsibility for knowing what I was doing when I got involved with a married man.

Although my decision not to betray him to his wife and family remains unwavering, I would like your opinion in reference to his wife. Should she know she has been deceived? I think if the tables were turned and I was the one being cheated on, I would rather know.  - Lauren

Lauren, your decision not to betray him to his wife and family may be unwavering, but the truth is you would like
to tell and make him pay. Revenge is a powerful motivator.

A myriad of sayings apply to the three sides of this triangle. Four which come to mind are: confession is good for the soul, there is no honor among thieves, what goes around comes around, and knowledge is power.
Why should your promise to him mean more than his vow to his wife? Why should the word of a woman willing to cheat be good?

Almost always we answer the letter writer, not other involved parties. We cannot protect this married man because his position is the least defensible. Being involved with other women is a betrayal to his wife every single time. But his wife, the person most in need of this information, did not write us. And what about you? Will you learn anything or change if you tell? Probably not.

Mark Twain said, "Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation." Revenge is cold comfort. It doesn't advance your life at all. That is one thing you could learn. Francis Bacon said, "A man that studieth revenge keeps his wounds green." That is another thing you could learn, but may not.

From among all these sayings, which one do we believe is most important? Knowledge is power. Someone here could benefit from the information you possess. His wife. Go ahead and tell. - Wayne & Tamara