Perfect Match How to Find Your Perfect Match and Ideal Match Online

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Find the Perfect Match... Your Ideal Match!

You might be able to find eligible people like this. However, if you:

First 'Draw a Picture' of your Perfect Match?
Let me say first of all (disclaimer coming) that no method of selecting the perfect match is foolproof. However, if finding a perfect partner is a lottery, then you at least want to put the odds in your favour, and hopefully this guide will improve your chances.
Like many single people, you may have an idea of qualities that you are looking for in a lover, and relationship. You may have vague ideas about someone who is:

tall
is blond
plays golf
or whatever

Maybe you don't care about the sports or interests they have as long as they are not:

like the last one
like your parents
an alcoholic
violent

However, have you actually written all this down, in detail? Its very important to be clear about what you desire in your match. By writing the desirable qualities down in detail, you will probably learn some things about yourself and your own values. Notice, I say 'desirable qualities'. While many people can think of characteristics they would rather their match did not have (as in the last bullet list above), this only helps to weed out some of the more obvious character flaws in potential candidates. It does not guarantee you will find your perfect match, because you can only build a relationship with someone based on the characteristics they have, not the ones they don't have. So, if your list ends up with everything stated in negative terms, you can identify people who are not bad candidates, but that doesn’t mean to say they are good candidates.
For your first exercise then, I want you to list all the characteristics your perfect match should have. Look at such things as:

The personality of your ideal match
Their emotional characteristics
Their physical characteristics
Their interests, hobbies, sports etc.
Reasons why you want a relationship, and what you expect them to contribute.
and so on

On the first pass through don't worry if you write it down as a negative ('I don't want...'), just be thorough, and think about all aspects listed above and any others, which you might think are important.

Include things that may not be that important to you, such as politics, religion, etc. You may not have much of a view on some of these areas but how would you cope with someone who had?

Take your time over this. Pin the list up somewhere and every time you pass it add a couple of items. When you've developed a fairly comprehensive list, check the characteristics for negative terminology. Rewrite all the negative phrases into positive phrases. Be careful here, because 'positive' does not necessarily mean the opposite of the negative phrase. You might not want to meet someone who is shorter than 5ft tall, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'd be happy with a 7ft 6 inch giant. You may have to do more thinking to work out what the positive is.

The first time a friend of mine did this, she ended up with a list including:

Brad Pits bottom
Billy Connelly's humour
Sean Connery's rugged looks (when he had hair)
Various other bits of Brad Pit (I won't go into the details of what they were, or how indeed she knew what they looked like
Bill Gates bank balance
etc.

Now this is OK (even with the potential Frankenstein nightmare of choosing Bill Gates bottom instead!, but chances are, in the search for your 'perfect lover' you've created someone who is flawless. You need to do a reality check, because the world being the diverse place it is, no one is perfect by any absolute standard.

Take your list (rewritten neatly if necessary) and mark each item attribute as either 'essential', or 'can live without'. For each characteristic ask yourself ' Would it really matter if my perfect match had this characteristic or not?' No ifs, buts, or maybes. It's either important or it's not. Make the decision. By categorising the characteristics on your list like this, you should be able to identify the absolutely crucial attributes that must be present. OK, you can now throw away all the characteristics that you can live without. As you have identified, these are really not that important and are just a distraction in finding your 'perfect' lover (who you are now allowing to have a few minor imperfections.
Finally I want you to read your list again and ask yourself 'Does this describe a person with a well rounded, whole character, or are there any gaping holes or inconsistencies?' You are most likely wanting to meet up with people who are at an appropriate maturity for their age, comfortable with themselves, and so on. If you see any holes in the description of your perfect matchs’ character, ask yourself what other essential characteristics would plug the gap? Add them to the list.

You've now got a 'picture' (at least in words) of the most important characteristics that your perfect match should possess. The next stage is even more difficult.

What does your Perfect Lovers 'perfect lover' look like?
Now it's great to dream, and as the saying goes 'If you reach for the moon, you'll never be left with a handful of mud'. However, as we saw in the last section, you have to inject some reality into the situation. Now I'm going to throw a metaphorical bucket of cold water over your quest (but I'll also give you a big warm fluffy towel to dry yourself off with.

Your quest for the perfect match is not a one-way street. Your perfect match is looking for their perfect match. They may or may not have gone through a similar exercise to the one you've just done, so the big question now is, 'Do I fit the ideal characteristics which would attract my perfect match?'
This is a difficult question, but if you don't at least attempt to answer it, you could end up having difficulty working out which pond to visit, to start 'kissing frogs'. As an example, let’s say part of your perfect match list is that they:

make a minimum of $50k a year
have lots of friends
like to travel
are active in the community (when not traveling).

You might be able to find eligible people like this. However, if you:

can't hold down a job,
have no friends,
and are a TV couch potato,

do you think that person would feel that they have anything in common with you? Would you be desirable to them? Would you fit their idea of a perfect match? Maybe not, and that's one of the problems of looking at a relationship from just your point of view. So, you also need to consider what your perfect match will be looking for? How on earth do you do that when you don't know them yet?

Now I'm going to start messing with your head. I want you to put yourself in the shoes of your perfect match as you've described them. For each attribute you've identified as essential to you, ask yourself 'Is this likely to also be essential to my perfect match?'. For example, if one of your ideal matchs’ characteristics is that they should like children, do you think they would also expect their ideal match to like children? Because this is a bit more guess work, I will allow you to mark each characteristic with 'Yes', 'No', and 'Maybe', with the provisor that you only use 'Maybe' after you've thought really hard about the particular characteristic, and are still not sure. However let me just say this. I would expect many of the characteristics to show 'Yes' if only the basis that compatibility is one of the key aspects of making a relationship work. Not in the superficial, unimportant things, but in those very crucial aspects you've already identified, many of which will relate to your core values and beliefs.

So, you're aiming to get two columns of categorisation against each of your key attributes; your view of your ideal match, and what you think their view of those attributes would be. Yes I know, it could turn out to be pure speculation, and it's so hard to do, so... ask some friends what they think. Better still, if you have family members, friends, neighbours who are in a long term relationship, ask them. Think about any relationships you've had in the past and why they worked and why they didn't.

Use anything that might give some clues as to what your ideal match is likely to be looking for in an ideal match. But remember, if you are serious about having a relationship, then you must be realistic and objective. Don't just transpose your existing characteristics straight into the answers for your imaginary perfect match - that's too easy! Do you want to find your perfect lover or not? If so, don't muck about. It's too important!

What you've done so far is to check the likely compatibility of the key attributes you’re looking for, against the key attributes your imaginary perfect match is probably looking for. The more that match, the more likely your ideal match will be... well, ideal, when you find them.

However, you need to think a little more general now, so again by putting yourself in their shoes, ask 'What else might be important to my perfect match?'. This is more generic, so for example, if your a woman looking for a man, think about what men are generally looking for over and above the key characteristics you've already checked. If you don't know, go ask members of the appropriate target group, starting with friends, family, neighbours, etc., (hey you never know, you might get lucky - but hopefully not with a close member of the family though.

The key objective with this task is to flesh out your image of what your perfect partner is likely to be looking for with some general attributes. Ask 'What would make my ideal match 'perfect match' a well rounded person?' and try filling in the gaps. Again be objective and realistic. Don't just stick something in because you already fit the profile, because you'll be fooling yourself. Now for the next question...

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