The most important way of getting the best out of dating websites is to know what you want to achieve, and to understand how much effort you're willing to put into your search. If you're going to be a passive player, like many single people, then you are going to have to write a really good advert to attract more people into contacting you. You need to understand yourself very well, so that you can describe yourself in a way which appeals to the right kind of person. Get this wrong and you'll be sitting in the 'online dating websites desert' with virtual tumbleweeds rolling around you.

If you are going to take a more active role you also need a clear idea of who your looking for so you can make the most effective use of search facilities. Ask yourself "What kind of relationship am I looking for?", "What kind of person would be an ideal candidate?", and most importantly "What kind of words or descriptions will attract them?". If you understand this, you will be able to write a better than average profile. At Newfriends4U.com you will also find our report titled 'How to Write a Good Profile' containing further details about constructing your profile attract the right kind of people.


I'm a little embarrassed to reveal some of my personal detail, so what's my approach?

We all have imperfections of one kind or another, but that's part of what makes us unique. Do we all want to look like Naomi Campbell or Cindy Crawford (not me, I'm a man)? We might be the most attractive person around, but we could be a real pain to be with. On the other hand, we may be the nicest person on earth but we are short, rotund, and bald!

To use an example many people will be able to identify with, let's say you are overweight. Western society currently dictates that slim is more attractive than overweight. Unfortunately Western society is also fond of beef burger and French fries and other junk food (well I am anyway)! When you go to a bar or club you may be the last person asked to be chatted up, or worse you're ignored altogether. You end up doing your wall flower act.

Lets say you join an online dating websites community like NewFriends4u.com service and you post an honest profile, including details about your weight. People looking over your profile will see your information. Hmm...., five feet tall and 200 pounds. If they are genuinely looking for someone who is not that big they'll click and move on. However, if size is not a problem for them, they'll read on to find out more about you. This is a crucial point, because although you may not get as many contacts as someone else, when you do get a reply, you know that person is genuinely interested in finding out more about you. It's the quality of contacts you get that 's just as important, if not more important than the number of contacts you get. If you are dishonest in your profile you'll get more contacts, but have to deal with all those people who are disappointed when they find out you're not who or what you said you were. Dishonesty is no way to start a friendship. So, I think your approach should be honesty, but with emphasis on all your good qualities (of course!)

Are dating websites dangerous?

It would be wrong to assume that trying to start a relationship using dating websites has absolutely no potential danger attached to it, but then it's just the same when you meet someone for the first time on a Friday night in your local bar or pub. Do you really know if this person is safe or not? Do you really know if they're telling the truth or not? Only time and a little initial caution will tell, and it's the same with dating websites. With a little careful consideration before you begin an online relationship, or have a face to face meeting, you can be safe. Use common sense just like you would in any real life situation. Luckily on dating websites, as in real life, 99% of people are just 'normal' like you or I.

For all people who join NewFriends4u.com, we have developed an online dating safety guide which has further details on how to make yourself as safe as possible. In fact some of the advice is equally applicable to normal dating, but often people don't even consider it under more familiar circumstances.

All very good, but what about the disadvantages you mentioned?

Yes, I did mention there were some disadvantages, but they're not as bad as you might think. Those disadvantages which do exist are mainly associated with initial trust (as with any kind of relationship).

• Anonymity can be a benefit when guarding your own safety online, but that works both ways. In the beginning, all you have to go on is information provided by the other person. You may have to do more research on someone you met online than someone you met locally, because you can't ask local contacts about them. When you join NewFriends4u you can read our online dating websites safety guide which gives useful advise about how to conduct your online relationships in a safe manner. There is also information about how to perform some basic research.

• Some personal ads may be out of date. It's not always clear what system various services use for removing old ads and there's often no indication on the ad itself as to when it was placed. At NewFriends4u we can determine when an advert was first placed and we know when a member last accessed their profile. We also 'clean' our database regularly by deleting those profiles where a member has informed us they no longer wish to be a member, and for those accounts where our regular e-mail newsletter is rejected continuously over a reasonable period.
  

• Creating an ad that gets the right responses can be very difficult, unless you're used to writing 'ad copy', and you may not get much help with this. Your ad is your showcase and it needs to reflect who you are, as attractively as possible, to the right kind of single people. Also, however carefully you specify the kind of person you're looking for, you may get replies from unsuitable people. Men especially like to take a chance, 'just in case'. To help you in this area at NewFriends4u all our members can get a copy of our report 'How to write a good profile', designed to help you write an advert that presents yourself in the best possible way to pull response from the right kind of people.
  

What do I do now?

You come and join our community here today at NewFriends4u, of course! Now you know what online dating websites are all about, you can come along, try it out, and see if it's right for you. . .  and we look forward to welcoming you.