I've Always Had A Strong Desire For Social Relationships I have been dating my girlfriend for four years. Our desired lifestyles differ. I've always had a strong desire for social relationships outside of our relationship. She, on the other hand, only requires a lifestyle which includes me. Outside of work, she spends all her time with me.
This difference could be overshadowed by our love, but she too often conveys intolerable negativity when my desire for society doesn't correspond to her desire to be solely with me. Sometimes she is sad. More often she portrays frustration and anger. She says mean things, makes unpleasant facial expressions, or clams-up. Her negativity leads to my intense stress. It is difficult to judge whether it's worse being void of social relationships, or if it's worse dealing with her negativity. We've had conversations, arguments, fights, negotiations, and compromises to end this negativity, all to no avail. Strangely, every time she exudes her negativity, it's as if we never discussed the matter. I regret not taking advantage of my social opportunities. When I look into the future, I fear how these regrets might evolve. It is painful to imagine our relationship continuing on the path it's currently on. The difficulty arises when figuring out a way to change it. Andrew Andrew, Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, made an interesting comment about the Wright brothers. He said, "They knew if they solved the problems of balance and steering, they could fly."
That statement applies as much to life as to flying. We are meant to fly. Not just some of us, but all of us. But first we must solve the problems of balance and steering. We solve the steering problem by moving toward people who support and encourage us, and by moving away from people who are negative.
We solve the problem of balance by filling ourselves with all of what we need, and by not letting one person or one thing overwhelm our lives. You are having recurring, brand-new conversations with your girlfriend because you are making zero impact on her. You want to fly and she wants to ground you, but trying to ground you won't keep you. What is the point of flight if you can't leave the airport? Wayne & Tamara Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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