In Tall Grass
My best friend, Ryan, told me last night he
got his girlfriend, Rebecca, pregnant. He is 22 and she is 20. He told
me he was probably going to marry her "because that is what I should
do." Let me give you a little background.
Ryan knew this girl back in high school and met up with her again
four months ago. She had just gotten out of a year-long relationship
a week before. Despite that fact, they promptly started sleeping together.
Within a month they had a pregnancy scare because she refused to use
any form of birth control. She said it "messed with her system."
And he believed her! I told him she was full of it, and he needed
to at least wear a condom because having a baby at this time in his
life would be a disaster. Well, he didn't listen. When he informed me
I was going to become an "aunt," I asked him if birth control was involved.
He said it got pointless to use any.
I asked if he was in love with her. He said the "in love" part would
come along later. Argh!!! I love and care for my best friend, but I
have never in my life met such a clueless and gullible guy! He always
dates women who manipulate and use him! I am so disappointed.
She does not have a job, skips out on her cosmetology classes, expects
her parents to pay for everything she wants, and to top it off, she
is very cold. You know how when you're around someone, and you can literally
feel they are heartless? Well, that's Rebecca.
She's in his life regardless because of the baby, but he doesn't
have to marry her to be a good father. I told him if he was not in love
he had no business marrying because it would be mocking the entire institution.
The few times I've been around her, she literally pushes Ryan away
when he tries to be affectionate, and puts him down in front of everyone.
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and even though he drives
me nuts sometimes, I would never put him down due to one thing. We love
each other. There is no love between this couple.
It's my belief she has done the classic move of trapping him. Ryan
has never felt very manly. He's the baby in his family, and now he has
a chance to prove to the world he is grown up! This girl saw all that
and fed off those facts. He got trapped, he knew it was going to happen,
and he let it happen. His stupidity is beyond me!
Ryan appreciates that I am not a beat-around-the-bush person. If
I have something to say, I'll say it, though I make it diplomatic and
tactful. Should I go along with this and keep my mouth shut? Or should
I tell him what I think and hope he doesn't make the biggest mistake
of his life?
Liz
Liz, in Stephen King's novel "From A Buick 8"
a character says, "We never go forward believing we are going to fail,
do we? No. We do it because we think we are going to save the day, and
six times out of ten we step on the business end of a rake hidden in
the high grass, and up comes the handle, and whammo, right between the
eyes."
You want to know if you should say anything. Of course, you should.
To do otherwise would put a big honking lie in the middle of your relationship.
Tell him not with the expectation he will change, because that's unlikely,
but so he understands where you are coming from. You care about him
and don't want to see him hurt.
If your friendship can't survive honesty, then it shouldn't survive.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara
Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield,
MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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