Course -Treatment
My husband is 45. We are getting ready to celebrate
our 25th wedding anniversary. He now tells me he has fun when he is
out of town in a group of people drinking, talking, and laughing. He
says we don't have a "spark" anymore. But our sex life is good.
He swears he hasn't met anyone or been unfaithful. He says he can't
have fun with me. He feels we are "just coasting" and is not sure where
to go from here. Any advice?
Grace
Grace, whatever your husband says, it looks to
us like the old story of the iceberg. Ten percent is visible, and 90
percent is not. You know the 10 percent.
What has he been thinking about, planning, or flirting with for the
last one, two, or three years? He may be on the progression which goes
like this: I have fun drinking and laughing with others--we've grown
apart--I love you but I'm not in love with you--I need more space--I'm
out the door.
You need to keep talking about this issue with your husband. If he
believes your marriage is in a rut, it is a "we" who are in a rut, not
a "you." You don't let the surgeon say, "We found a lump," and walk
away from you. You have to buttonhole him and find out what the next
step is.
As you discuss your husband's feelings and the future of your marriage,
you must, as distasteful as it seems, keep one thought in the back of
your mind. What is in my best interest?
You are approaching your 25th anniversary, and it would be wonderful
to celebrate the length of your union. That may be where you would like
things to go, but it may not be where things are headed.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can
be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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