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Conflict In Faith
My husband is Jewish, and I am Catholic. That
wasn't a problem when we were dating, because he isn't religious. He
married a Catholic before, and their daughter was raised Catholic.
A reformed rabbi married us. I sacrificed being married in church
by a priest, but we shared our traditions. My husband broke the glass,
and we lit our candles. My family wasn't too happy I married outside
my faith, but they accept him.
When our daughter was born, I didn't want my children growing up
with no direction, so I decided to raise her Catholic. My husband wasn't
too happy, but he agreed. His family was invited to the christening,
but they refused to have any part of it. I bit my tongue and let it
go, but I resented them for not being there.
Four years later we have a son, and it's his turn to be baptized.
This time they come to the party, not the church, and they don't bring
a gift. So that's another slap in the face. Two months ago our daughter
had her first communion. I asked if they wanted to be part of their
granddaughter's day, and they said no. So to me that's another slap
in the face.
Through the years we celebrated my husband's holidays with his family,
and my family went to their bar mitzvahs. My husband agrees with his
family that it's okay for them not to be involved, but I know for a
fact his family has gone to christenings, communions, and confirmations
for their neighbors.
Well, after 10 years, I no longer want to be involved in their holidays
and family functions. In three year's time, when it's my son's turn,
I know they'll do the same thing. My husband is in the middle, which
I know is hard for him, but I can't bite my tongue anymore. I want to
know how to stop hating my husband's family.
Alyssa
Alyssa, what if you kept inviting vegetarians
to an all-you-can-eat steak tartare dinner? (That's seasoned raw beef.)
Would you really expect them to attend? You knew when you married there
was a divide. Your in-laws are of a different faith, and different faiths
oppose and contradict one another.
If you don't have a problem going to their religious events, then
go. But don't expect or invite them to yours. They find them indigestible.
When you were married by a rabbi, you suggested things might work out
otherwise. All your in-laws are doing by not coming or giving a gift
is affirming "this is not what we want."
When Wayne was in the navy, the rule in the wardroom was no one was
allowed to discuss sex, politics, or religion. Perhaps you and your
in-laws can put religion in the category of topics which are off-limits.
How much healing might be possible between you in just leaving religion
out of your relationship?
Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can
be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters
to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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