By A Nose My behavior and emotions make no sense to me. I have a wonderful boyfriend. At first I admit I was not fully attracted to him. At the time I was hung up on dating gorgeous men that in the end brought me nothing but a pretty face. But the more time I spent with my boyfriend, the more I realized how compatible we are.
My friends and family love him. We are a great couple and share similar views on life. We laugh together and play together. He is ambitious, mature, and so sweet you can see the goodness in his heart by his eyes. In bed we have amazing chemistry. He is sensual and gentle, which is what I love and have at last found. One thing perplexes me: I cannot accept his large and long nose. I know it sounds crazy. This one imperfection of his keeps me from fully saying yes and concluding he is the perfect guy for me to marry. I've told him this, and he mostly laughs it off. He even makes fun of his own nose. I used to have a long nose myself, but not anymore. Could this be the insecurities I felt as an unattractive child? When I am with him, I am fully in love and forget about his nose. When he is gone, all these nagging doubts begin. Joyce
Joyce, there are two versions of the Cyrano de Bergerac story: the original play by Edmond Rostand, and the movie version starring Steve Martin. In both stories, Cyrano fears rejection by the woman he loves because of his large nose. Rostand's play ends unhappily, but Martin's movie shows love triumphant.
Unlike the Cyrano story, your boyfriend's nose is not a problem for him. It is a problem for you. You are doing to him what was done to you as a child. Others made you feel unattractive, and that is how you feel about him. Is being with him like wearing an ugly sweater? Do you obsess about what your children would look like? We are not judging you based on this aspect of your personality, but you haven't met someone you love so much that the outside package doesn't matter. Love causes us to see the world through different eyes. Until that happens, your relationships may resemble the Rostand story, not Steve Martin's. Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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