"What Do Women Really Want in a Partner?"
If you are sad and lonely, that doesn’t necessarily
mean that you are not part of a couple. Sometimes the loneliest people
are those who are trapped in unsatisfactory relationships, isolated
by the façade of marriage that prevents others from getting close to
them.
So if you are a married man who is confused about how to please your
partner, or if you are a single male embarking on a new relationship,
let’s dispel a few myths and dissect all those pre-conceived ideas that
men have about what women really want in a partner.
Contrary to popular belief, the size of a man’s tackle is irrelevant.
Because men don’t have breasts, they appear to be attracted and fascinated
by shapely mammaries, so thereby falsely believe that because women
don’t have, you know, one of "those" between their legs, that they are
similarly spellbound by mammoth proportions. Aside from the eye-watering
factor of thinking, "How on earth am I going to be able to accommodate
THAT?", an appendage that resembles an overweight lugworm doesn’t exactly
have the same sensual and artistic appeal of undulating mounds of soft,
warm and inviting breasts. That is, unless your birth canal has the
dimensions of the Channel Tunnel.
Men still have the distant, unconscious memory of being nurtured
and comforted within the haven of their mothers’ succulent chests, whereas
the first sight of those dangly, damp-ended bits bobbing around between
a man’s thighs could be quite alarming to a young child. They could
certainly never hold the same allure as the milk-producing organs attached
to the front of a woman’s body.
Besides, it appears that the more well-endowed a chap is, the more
likely he is to engage in that favorite male pastime of re-arranging
his (allegedly "trapped") meat and two veg at regular, two-minute intervals
throughout the day. And if there’s one thing that is repugnant to a
woman, it’s a man who looks as though he is, in some perverted fashion,
playing with himself in public. That’s on a par with guys who blatantly
ram forefingers into their facial orifices whilst sitting in the middle
of a traffic jam and then remove the glutinous find from the end of
their digits with their mouths, somehow believing that their windowed
tin boxes make them invisible and consequently protected from prying
eyes.
What about looks then? Do all women want carbon copies of Brad Pitt,
George Clooney or some other celebrity hunk who probably spends more
time in the bathroom each morning than they do? Do we want one of those
oiled up musclemen, with an over-inflated chest (and ego to match) and
grotesque, Incredible Hulk thighs that look as though they’re super-glued
together from the crotch to the knees? In short, no.
Alright, so maybe from a sexual, one-night stand point of view, the
idea of a brief liaison with some spectacular looking hero, with an
equally impressive physique might seem briefly attractive to some. But
from a long-term, nurturing, fulfilling and secure point of view? No
way.
Great relationships are formed not purely on sexual attraction and
external image, but through companionship, affection, trust and mutual
respect. Now that may come as a shock to many men, most of whom judge
women on their exterior but, thankfully, the fairer sex are not that
shallow. After all, if a woman chooses you as her partner based on looks
and lust alone, you’re in deep trouble when everything decides to head
southwards and remain there. And when the thingamajig that already hangs
in a southerly direction fails to rise to the occasion, well, you know
that it is only a matter of time before the next virile young stud lures
your superficial other half into his den.
OK, so maybe everyone has certain traits that they find attractive,
like blond hair, a pert bum or beautiful eyes, but these are not the
characteristics that make a woman fall in love with you as a person.
And, more importantly, remain in love with you.
When I was sixteen, I recall going out with a guy called Trevor,
who looked like the leftover from an Italian orgy. I knew of many people
who thought he was gorgeous, himself included, but after spending half
of each date waiting for him to complete his preparation ritual and
the other half listening to him talking about himself, he was ceremoniously
dumped. Not only did he wear more hairspray than I did, but he spent
most of the evening checking his appearance in the pub mirror, shop
windows and any other reflective surface in the vicinity. In fact, I
believe he only ever gazed intently into my eyes in order to admire
his reflection. Oh, and he also wore higher heels than I did, which
I’m sure contributed to an embarrassing bounce when he walked, equivalent
to having a spring lodged up his arse. Consequently, I developed motion
sickness if I tried to look at him whilst we were en-route to any pub
that contained a suitably large mirror, in which he could narcissistically
drool over himself. He just believed I was lovesick.
The next myth is that you have to be in some prestigious occupation
earning vast sums of money in order to have pulling power. Again, there
is the superficial attraction of the promise of a sophisticated lifestyle
and a large, expensive rock attached to the third finger of your left
hand. However, without all the other elements that sustain a successful
relationship, no amount of money will entrap the woman of your dreams.
And if it does, the chances are she already has plans to seek a substantial
alimony settlement a few years down the line.
So, if you have any doubt about the true intentions of your woman,
make sure you protect your assets by making her sign a pre-marital agreement
before you agree to let her drag you down the aisle. And that agreement
doesn’t include the clause, "Having sex as and when it suits the husband."
So then, what DO women look for in a potential partner?
There are a number of attributes that compete for first place on
the list of priorities. Humor, Affection, UNDERSTANDING, Romance, Respect,
UNDERSTANDING, Kindness, Thoughtfulness, UNDERSTANDING, Generosity,
Fidelity and UNDERSTANDING are just a few of them. Not asking a lot
is it? So, let’s dissect some of these, one at a time.
Humor. There is nothing more sexy than a man who can make you laugh,
who can laugh with you rather than at you and who also laughs at your
own witty repartee. And any man who has the ability to laugh at himself
and his own shortcomings is definitely great partner material.
I learned the hard way when I married the first time around to what
I thought was, "the strong, silent type". My somber-faced, tight-lipped
ex turned out to be silent because he was weak, afraid of expressing
his feelings, afraid of appearing vulnerable and afraid of being made
to look stupid. Funny thing is, everyone was laughing at him behind
his back. If anyone dared, heaven forbid, to ridicule him directly,
he would sulk like a baby and put that person on his derision hit list.
The other advantage of being hitched up to a man with a great sense
of humor is that when the going gets tough, the ability to laugh helps
enormously in carrying you through troubled times. Naturally, as with
everything, there is a limit. The extreme is a man who can’t take anything
seriously and who grins like a psychopath at everything. You know, the
sadistic type who laughs when you tell him that your hamster has passed
away and sympathetically quips, "What’s white and brown and lies on
its back? A dead hamster! Snort! Guffaw!". This can be infinitely more
irritating as someone who has no sense of humor at all. Think Jim Carrey
and you’ll know what I mean.
Thoughtfulness. Now apart from the obvious aspects, like considering
her needs before you book tickets for that soccer match with your mates,
phoning your beloved at the exact time that you say you’re going to
phone or just phoning to tell her that you love her, being thoughtful
includes NOT saying certain things at certain times. When she is feeling
rather snappy and irritable, for example, the worst thing you can say
is, "Do you think you could be going through the Menopause?" (when she’s
only 29), or "It must be THAT time of the month again", (when she had
a hysterectomy five years previously).
Fidelity. Now, the importance of this one cannot be stressed enough.
Not only does it mean keeping your hands and genitalia to yourself and
sharing them exclusively with your treasured one, but also your eyes
and your mind.
You never look over her shoulder in a bar to see if anyone more interesting
has walked through the door, you don’t use your wing mirrors to admire
another woman’s breasts or posterior and you certainly don’t say, "Corrr!
She’s a bit of alright", when you see someone marginally attractive
on the TV. This could never be perceived as complimentary to your other
half, even if she closely resembles the object of your misdirected gaze.
And if she ever dares to venture down that avenue of enquiring about
your partiality to certain female celebrities, the answer always has
to be, "Well, I used to fancy (name someone who has similar attributes
to your partner), but since I’ve met you, the only person I’m in lust
and love with is you darling, scrumptious, wumptious, sweet pudding
pie..."
In addition to the abovementioned qualities, women love men who can
cook and clean, who are not afraid to cry, who remember to put the toilet
seat down, who regularly tell them that they’re gorgeous and sexy and
who bring them flowers and chocolates unexpectedly (and not just following
a major argument).
Once you have ensnared your prey, you will have many more obstacles
to overcome and the longer you know a woman, the more complicated it
can become.
Why? I hear you ask. Those veterans amongst you will undoubtedly
know the answer to this one already, but I shall enlighten you anyway.
Women are complex creatures. They scream for equality, yet complain
that chivalry is dead. They want financial independence, yet still expect
the man to pay in restaurants. They complain about having to work twice
as hard to attain recognition and climb the career ladder, yet still
want the freedom to stay at home and raise a family. They want social
independence, yet give their men grief when they want to go off and
do their own thing.
It’s no wonder that men are confused. There are so many peculiar
little rituals that women perform that completely evade men’s comprehension.
Why do women always have to talk for hours on the ‘phone to a girlfriend
whom they’ll be seeing later the same day? I could explain this one
very clearly, but I wouldn’t wish to remove the mystery for you.
Why do they bother asking you whether their bum looks big in a particular
dress, when they know full well that there is only one acceptable reply
to that question. And, that if the reply is anything other than a straight,
"No", your week is already ruined. Of course, even when you do say "No",
she will interpret that as a "Yes, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings
or ruin my chances of a bit of nookie later."
There will be many times when you are bound to be in a no-win situation.
Take the thoughtfulness aspect, for example. If you telephone her to
let her know that you will be late home from work, she will assume that
you are having an affair. If you don’t phone to let her know, she will
assume that you are having an affair. If you make an effort to get home
on time and consequently miss out on that promotion, sex will be off
the menu. Again.
When a woman makes it obvious that you have committed a sin by leaving
clues, such as your dinner in the bin, for example, the answer to, "What’s
the matter my love?" will always be a frosty, "Nothing". Yet if you
incur her wrath by not asking what the problem is, you are likely to
end up with a very important appendage no longer being attached to your
body.
However, understanding the strange little ways of the female species,
means that you at least know when to open your mouth and when, at all
costs, to keep it closed, bringing you one step closer to attaining
and maintaining a successful and satisfying liaison.
Oh, and women are a lot more perceptive than you give them credit
for. We all know that men are basically driven by testosterone, which
has only one destination. Sexual desire. So when a man brings a woman
flowers or says, "I love you", what he really means is, "I want sex."
When he takes his date to a fancy restaurant, we know that whilst he
pretends to hang on her every word across the Chateau Neuf du Pâpe,
he’s really thinking, "When can we leave because I want sex?" (Or, "I’d
prefer some Chateau Soixante-Neuf")
In fact, everything nice that a man does has an ulterior motive.
And that motive is always linked to their most basic need.
So, even when you have the humor, the thoughtfulness, the generosity,
the UNDERSTANDING, the affection and all those other charismatic virtues
mentioned earlier, the woman still knows that at the end of the day,
everything a man does is a prelude to carnal pleasures.
One more thing. Women are always right.
Contributed by:
Jan Andersen
©2000 Jan Andersen
About the Author: Jan has worked in marketing and
PR environments for 21 years, she felt that her writing talents, combined
with her psychology expertise, could be better utilised by establishing
herself as a freelance writer. Jane now works from home in Swindon,
England, undertaking a wide variety of commercial projects for a broad
spectrum of audiences and helping to maximise the potential of many
companies and media outlets. In addition to commercial copy, Jane has
contributed articles, features and columns to hundreds of magazines,
books, newsletters, newspapers and ezines and have participated in numerous
TV and radio programmes. Jan can be contacted at: worldwriteruk@hotmail.com
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